Oh happy day!

Welcome, one and all, to this new-fangled spastastic anti-Keane lovely thing.

I have laboured like a fishwife and sweated like an octogenarian wrestler to get this baby off the ground, and I'm not upset at how it's turned out. All I need now is for the Great British Public, for it is you, to show me how much you despise crap music.

Keane are going to bear the brunt of this, for they have crippled my poor eardrums on far too many occasions for my liking. They think nothing of ruining my day just by uttering a couple of impolite parps in my general direction. In fact, when I think about the frequency with which I am bombarded by their bulls**t songs on a day to day basis, I am quite staggered. On average I must hear their latest ditty (whatever it's called) six times a day. SIX! That's more than THIRTY times a week! There has to be a law against this kind of thing. I want to start a petition. Enough names and I'm writing to my local MP to get this ridiculous situation sorted out. Radio stations and TV networks should only be allowed to play any song, even the good ones, once a day max. Think about it, how often do you see or hear that song you really really love? Never! Yet the ones you really truly despise, loathe, hate more than anything in the history of humankind? All the f**king time. It's a frankly bollocks state of affairs, and I for one ain't gonna take it anymore! Yeah!!

So anyway, Keane. How did these guys get famous? What exactly is it that people like about them? At least Coldplay were something different when they came along, and might at one time have had some good songs, but these guys... The mind boggles. I remember reading something last year about them being The Next Big Thing. I think they won some award too. What was it? 'Most Likely To Succeed' I think. That rubber-stamped their ridiculously meteoric rise to the top of all sorts of charts didn't it? And how simple it is to see what a few million squiddlies spent on advertising and promotion will do. And now Tom, Dick, Harry (I wouldn't be surprised if those were their names), Brenda, Sheila and Phyllis can all buy the latest Keane wank at their nearest newsagent, and admire their chubbily moccasined feet on any old television screen they fancy. The twats are everywhere! I walk in to work and they're on the radio. I turn on the telly and there will be an advert on urging me to buy their 'brilliant' (the loosest usage of that word I've ever heard) new album, or fantastic (ditto) new single. I walk to the shops to get my tea, and there's a huge bloody advert for them in some shop window. A car goes by and one of their godawful songs is blaring out. How do I escape this living hell???

Maybe with your help I can regain some normality in my life. And maybe I'll be able to walk in to work without fearing for my poor ears. All you need to do is email me your thoughts and I shall put them on this site for all the world to see. I can't be the only person who thinks like this. There are more Keane-haters out there aren't there?
Maybe you think Keane are shit but don't find them too offensive, but you despise Anastasia. That's good too! Because she's shite as well. Any other band, singer, or musician who you hate, send me the details, your opinion and most importantly WHY you hate them so, and bob's your fanny, they'll be popping up on here too.

I envisage this one running and running.

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Some tasty morsels for you on this momentous day:

• Some twats talk about Keane. Why do these people bother?
• A generic BBC robot reviews Keanes' album. Somebody buy this dickwad an opinion.
• Another BBC knobber. 'Keane so keen about Norwich' eh? In my humble opinion that just about says it all.
• American Keane-loving fools this time. First Bush, now Keane. My opinion of our friends across the pond has gone down severely in the last couple of months...
• This is brilliant. Single people with one thing in common. They like Keane! If anyone feels like contacting one of these idiots, getting their hopes up, and then unceremoniously dumping them because of their shite taste, feel free. And be sure to send me the video.